Bilal Bashir Bhat
In what many residents are calling the most realistic traffic reform since the invention of the reverse gear, J&K Bank is reportedly planning to introduce a fresh condition for car loans: customers must promise not to drive their newly financed luxury vehicles into lanes narrower than the vehicle’s own ego.
According to Onlykashmir.in, highly unreliable but emotionally accurate sources, the bank decided after discovering that nearly every Eid traffic jam in Kashmir begins the same way:
A brand-new loan-funded SUV confidently enters a lane where even two cats usually pass after mutual negotiations.
Under the proposed policy, applicants may now have to sign an affidavit stating:
“I shall not attempt to force a Fortuner/Thar/ Scorpio, or any seven-seater vehicle into a mohalla lane designed for pedestrians, bicycles, and basic human dignity.”
Sources claim bank officials became alarmed after repeated incidents in which entire neighbourhoods remained blocked for hours while the owner of a giant SUV leaned out of the window, saying:
“Bas thoda sa aur… nikal jayegi…”
even though the vehicle had already touched three walls, one electric pole, and a cousin’s scooter.
Meanwhile, critics have also suggested that the Bank should make mandatory training for loan applicants on the difference between a highway and a mohalla lane.
WAIT: This news published by onlykashmir.in is purely satirical and intended only for humor and social commentary. It does not reflect any real policy or announcement by J&K Bank. The purpose is simply to highlight traffic and parking issues caused by oversized vehicles during festivals.
